Expectations vs Reality
Throughout The Bell Jar, I noticed that Esther always thought she knew what to expect in the real world based on how society dictates she should experience it, yet Esther always ended up experiencing it very differently. At the time this book was written, women were expected to be quiet, cheerful, and put together constantly which is a sharp contrast from the detachment, dreariness, and over-all misery Esther feels on a daily basis. Her nonchalant accounts of multiple suicide attempts is not a topic we, as readers, expect to read about in such an informal tone. It sounds like she's simply telling us what she was thinking about eating for lunch when, in reality, the topic is dark and a typically taboo topic.
More examples come from her time in New York where Esther feels like she should be happy in such a vibrant environment, yet she once again feels out of place and finds it depressing. In addition, her struggle between trying to choose whether to pursue writing (as her heart desires) or settle down and have a family (as society would say a girl her age is ready for) is something she doesn't fully process. Everyone around her, including her mother, expects her to give up writing for Buddy and mocks her for being so serious about studying. Lastly, her sexual experiences with men are never what she thinks they should be like. She's shocked by the double standard that Buddy expects her to follow when he believes it's fine for him to sleep with a waitress while she is expected to remain a virgin until marriage. Ester thinks that her first sexual experience will, in some ways, transform her into a woman because that's what society portrays it as, so when it's not as magical and transformative as she expected, she doesn't know what is true anymore.
Throughout the book, Esther always encounters a difference between what she expects to experience versus what she actually does. For most of the book sees things in only black and white: remain a virgin and follow a ridiculous double standard or be a whore, become a successful but lonely writer or become a submissive and acceptable wife who gives up writing, etc. This large gap between her expectations and realities drives her to more intense madness which only does harm to her mental and physical wellbeing.
I like how you explain how Esther's expectations of the world eventually lead her through a downward spiral when they are not met. Previously, I had acknowledged the connection between Esther's views on the world and her feelings; however, I think it's a nice connection to make directly to her expectations. In fact, those expectations could be a deep root into why she feels and therefore acts the way she does.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the general view of Esther and her expectations, and how the reality constantly disappoints of challenges those assumptions (for some reason I'm thinking also of those references to when she doesn't know some point of etiquette--like the finger bowls at lunch, when she confidently drinks down the flower-petal water in front of the important poet--as miniature examples of this same dynamic). There is surely a constant sense that she doesn't know what's true anymore, as you suggest--but I also want to note how important and empowering it is, therefore, to have Dr. Nolan confidently dismiss the "Defense of Chastity" article as "propaganda!" The very idea that these presumed cultural truths are in fact local and challengeable values and conventions is transformative for Esther, and it does seem, at the end, that she believes that Nolan's more critical view is "true" and real. This is maybe one measure of her return to health, this ability to critically reject authoritative and conventional views.
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